Insignificant Other.

I feel really dumb right now. Obviously, not knowing you would be an obvious sign that I am not familiar with your character or habits in conversation. But I don't like when my attention is so blatantly "averted", and I am straight up ignored. If you have a problem accepting compliments, I'm sorry. I feel like I've put too much expectation on this online friendship, and I have to withdraw for a bit. It's just personal for me, and I feel like you're being very casual. It's just not good for my heart. That's all I have to say for now. If I can take this casually, I'll let you know. But right now, my expectations are too high, and you're just disappointing me.

Inspiration.

Lately it feels like I’m literally seconds away from tears.

I’m not sure what it means or what exactly the root problem is, but I know that I’ve been inches away from being an emotional wreck again.

The last time this happened was when I left America. My best friend was getting married and it seemed like both of us were moving onto bigger and better things. It was really hard for me to close that chapter of my life because I knew that nothing would ever be the same; it was time for me to grow up and spread my wings and start a new life. My emotions were on a hair-trigger my last week in Colorado. Anything and everything could set me off and send me down a tunnel of tears and sobbing. Even if I was perfectly happy, I would still burst into a torrent of tears. I’m sure everyone thought I was crazy, but I didn’t care. I took comfort in the fact that I could actually feel something. The hurt and the brokenness made me feel alive. I didn’t want to stop crying once I started. I think it made me feel better knowing that I had an emotional connection with something enough to be hurt through leaving it behind in search of a new life.

::New paragraph;;

Since I arrived in Okinawa, I feel as if I’ve been drained of any and all feelings I used to have. Nothing inspires me anymore. I am not passionate about things that I used to be passionate about. It seems like all the fantastic changes I went through the last few years in Bible College have melted away into nothing in the past few months. I don’t have the same convictions. I don’t carry the same conversations. I don’t think the same thoughts. I’m not passionate about what I should be passionate about.

In my head I rationalize that this is just another transition period and once I move onto the next part of my life, I will get back on track and regain momentum. I just hope that the changes made to my character while living in Okinawa will be easy to reverse as soon as I get back on the right road. I know that going back to ‘the way things used to be’ isn’t possible and therefore I shouldn’t wish for it; but, nonetheless, taking a trip down memory lane every once-in-a-while is refreshing, and it reminds me that I used to have feelings at one time.

Inspiration. Inspiration. Inspiration. Inspire me. Inspired. Inspiring. InSpirit. In Spirit and In Truth. We worship God in Spirit and In Truth. The part of me that is missing now that used to be here is my passion for worship. I don’t know how I lost it, or how to get it back, and frankly, I’m not looking for suggestions on how to retrieve it. That is not to say that I’m not looking for it, I just want to make this journey on my own. If I end up fucked up and soiled: so be it. If I make it through and I am victorious: Praise God. All I know is that right now, I’m learning. I’m growing. I’m living. I’m dying. I’m progressing. I’m failing. I’m failing. I’m failing. I’m failing.

But someday..

The tears will come again. 

The Beginning: FBML

A girl named Seamus friend requested a guy named Clark on Facebook. She knew about him through her brother and his girlfriend, one of Seamus' good friends and Clark's serious former lady-friend. They started messaging back and forth on Facebook, first about tattoos, then about everything you could possibly imagine. From this friendship, Clark was inspired to buy a lomography camera and write music again. Seamus started sketching tons more with a more relaxed attitude (because that's how Clark does it and it works out pretty damn well for him) and writing drunk poetry. The fruit of this pen pal-ship was evident in both their lives because it was fun and simple, but so very inspiring. Who knew writing a stranger who lived on the other side of the world could be so beneficial?
One night after Seamus had been drinking with some friends, a conversation happened. A "DTR" of sorts came about and, what was simple, became somewhat complicated. They established that when they meet face-to-face, if the same chemistry is there that exists in their correspondence, they will give it a go at dating. But what if the magic of their pen pal-ship was only possible through Facebook and could never be more than that? Would they be content to continue sharing their heart with a stranger? What if Clark and Seamus meet at the wedding of their social connections, something chaotic plays out, and ruins the unity of a family all because of their chemistry? What if they meet and fall dangerously in love, with no one to blame but themselves?
With so many questions and so few answers, one would think the desire to know the answers would drive at least one of them crazy. Infatuation is part why I, Seamus, am here writing this in the middle of the day, while Clark sleeps (or maybe not) on the other side of the world. But I must admit that part of the fun is the mystery, the unknown, the risk involved. And it's beautiful. It's a little stupid, kinda scary, and more dangerous than either of us realize. But the fact that trust can be built on the intangible is quite enchanting. If it amounts to nothing more than what it is, that's okay. Because, after all, everything happens for a reason.

Poetry, at it's finest.

Once I loved,

and I knew not why I opened by heart,

but then one day,

I added a facebook friend

and I found out he was as passionate as I about art.

Had I known,

the complications I had opened,

I would have stopped myself,

from...

starting a blog with him.

But now it's too late.

Because I think he's great.

End scene.

-Seamus

Future Half-Sleeve Collage by Seamus

done by me

 I love whimsical, super-feminine, organic lines.

Brandi Milne

 I want to balance it with a few darker things though.

 I've always wanted a tree, so I'm going to have a partial tree done on my left bicep, built off of the already-existing branch that my owl tattoo is perched on.

 As I previously mentioned, Big Bird is the symbol of my youth. I think he is why I like taller men.

 My best friend, Laina, and I are going to get heart tattoos together. I'm going to get mine above my heart, textured as if it was crocheted. And it's going to have a ball of yarn and a crochet hook next to it, like this one. (I'm a passionate crochet artist and have been since age thirteen.)

 I want flowers to be in every empty space, so it feels like a bouquet with tons of little illustrations thrown in the mix.

Brandi Milne

 I love lilies a lot, so they will be in the arm bouquet. They're my favorite flower, and favorite to draw.

Brandi Milne

 Mermaids. I don't even have to explain. They're just beautiful.













I love foxes, and this is my favorite illustration I've ever found of one. He's just got so much personality, so he might make an appearance.

I fell in love with the name Luna, which means moon in Spanish (you probably already knew that), from watching Sailor Moon and Bear in the Big Blue House. Also, being Hispanic and hearing it when my mom would talk about nighttime also made it an enchanting word.







Brandi Milne, is my favorite illustrator, and I want to get this piece, or at least elements of it inked somewhere on my body. If not in the half sleeve, then on my other arm.

Brandi

 I can't explain how much I love this painting. So I won't even try.

Timothy Karpinski

 Another favorite artist, Timothy Karpinski. His style is so... sigh. :) Ya know what I mean?

And that's that. I couldn't get the pictures to line up side-by-side, but you get the idea. Input?

20ish Questions. Answered by Seamus.

To: Seamus
From: Clark

1.  What is your favorite word?
I have too many favorite words... Today, my favorite word is incandescent, when used as an adjective. (E.G. Incandescent bliss".)

2. Describe your earliest memory.
On a sunny afternoon in California, my dad is holding me. I had my head resting on his shoulder, drifting in and out of sleep. I was at least three because we didn't move to Oklahoma until October of 1993.

3. It’s your 21^st birthday, and you are the head of the party planning committee; with an unlimited budget, who is on your guest list (living, non-living, fictional) and what is the theme of your party? 

I would have my party at a beach resort. Maybe somewhere in the West Keys because I've never been to Florida, but I know it's gorgeous. The party would be a weekend affair but on my birthday, we'd all head down to the beach early in the morning for breakfast, the sunrise, surfing lessons, and naps in the sun (with tons of hammocks draped everywhere). The day would proceed in the same manner until right before sundown, when everyone would get all prettied up for dinner. Dinner would be really formal with key lime pie as my birthday cake, naturally. Afterward we'd have a huge dance party. Of course, since it's my 21st birthday, there would be an open bar. We'd all dance and party it up until whenever, then we'd all throw our bathing suits back on and go for a moonlit swim. We'd continue partying until the sun comes up again, which calls for another breakfast on the beach, starting where it all began.
The guest list would include my brother, my sister and her husband, Abbie, my friends Teri, Brooke, and Amirha, my cousins Ben and Christina, Georgia Nicholson (character from a series by Louis Rennison), Nicki Minaj, Justin Bieber (because I have Beiber fever, sorry lol), Harry Connick Jr., the main Harry Potter actors (as their normal selves) Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint, Albus Dumbldore (as he exists in Harry Potter), Girl Talk (so he could dj all night), you and whoever else on the island that knows how to party.

4.  What is your favorite place to be alone with your thoughts?
Outside, in the woods or in my room.

5.  What is your favorite place to be alone with someone else?
Somewhere near a body of water on a dock.

6.   Which do you prefer: sunrise or sunset? Why?
Both. When the sun is out, I feel alive. I love being awake before and after the sun is out because that's my favorite time to be alone.

7.   Shoes, sandals, or barefoot?
All of the above. Cute shoes when they match my outfit, sandals when I'm playing outside, and barefoot every other second of the day.

8.   If you were a musical instrument, what would you be? Why?
A piano because I'm classy and beautiful.

9.  If you could go back and relive any moment in your life, without changing anything, simply to be in that moment again and experience it knowing what you know now, what would it be?
I'd like to see my memory of the last time my parent's kissed each other. That's the only way I know that they did once love each other.

10.   With an unlimited budget, what would be your dream tattoo(s) and piercing(s)?
Well, I'm going to get a half sleeve on my left arm with all of my favorite images collaged into one beautiful piece. I'll make a blog of pictures that have all the different elements that I want for you so you can get an idea.

11.   What is your favorite vacation spot? Least favorite?
I've never been on a real vacation, so I'll say my least favorite place to vacation is my room.

12.   Which HP book is your favorite? Why?
The Sorcerer's Stone, the first one because I love the beautiful transition from Harry's crap life to his discovery of magic. It's so enchanting.

13.   What is your favorite quote?
 "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
-Anias Nin

14.   Which do you prefer: Beach or mountains? Why?
Beach. I don't like the cold, which calcels out the mountains. And I love being in water with the sun all warm and bright.

15.   First kiss? Last kiss?
First kiss:
My first boyfriend, Dalton. We'd been dating for about five months, but weren't allowed to be "official" (whatever the hell that means, Mom) until I was sixteen. That night, we went in a huge group to a Project 86 and Spoken concert for my best's friends birthday. We'd moshed all night and it was phenomenal. He took me home but, before I got out of the car, he decided not to wait until I turned 16 to kiss me. So we made out for an hour, and I made it inside at like 2 in the morning on a school night. Pure magic. :)
Last Kiss:
My last boyfriend, James, on Thanksgiving after spending all day together eating with our families. When I went to bed, I got a text from my friend informing me that he cheated on me seven days before. So that was the end of that.

16.   If the moon was made of cheese, would you eat it?
Heck yes. I'm hoping it's pepper jack or Havarti dill. Heck, I'd settle for cheddar. I freaking love cheese.

17.   What is your favorite verse in the bible? Chapter? Book? Version? Why?
"Everything is beautiful is His timing." (Ecclesiastes 3:11) because it's a promise to me that, despite all of the struggles I've had in my life if I stay in His love, it will all be worth it. I know that's true because he's slowly fulfilling that promise through friendships. When I share what I've learned by mistakes I've made, I can see His love coming through my wounds and bringing healing to me and others. It's all beautiful.

18.   If you could have a shopping spree at any store, what would it be?
American Apparel. I love their designs, their objective, and their textiles. It's all such high quality stuff.

19.   Right handed or left handed?
Right handed, left footed.

20.   Favorite part of your body? Favorite part of someone else’s body?
My skin because it's well-behaved and people envy my natural tan. It's an ego boost for sure.

I like mouths. Teeth, lips, and mannerisms. You can tell moods, amount of confidence, and about who someone is by the words they say and the songs they sing. ("Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." -Matthew 12:34)

21.   If you could commit any crime, and there would be no consequences, what would the crime be?
Well, I already do it and get away with it. Underage drinking.

22.   If you could take a lomograph of anything in the whole world, what would it be?
Tim Burton and Hillary Bonham Carter's house. They'r both creative geniuses so I imagine inside their house would be a mind-blowing reflection of that.

23.   Do you have a lucky number?
Nope.

24.   What is your favorite color?
I have two. Purple and green. I can't decide between the two but, judging by my wardrobe, I guess purple. 

20 Questions. Answered by Clark.

20 Questions 

To: Clark
From: Seamus


1. What is the scariest experience you've ever had? Recount that story.

When I was living in Colorado, the land of beautiful mountains and scenery, I partook in numerous hiking endeavors. While on said hikes, I would usually get the urge to climb something, since I am, after all, a man. Well, I came across a particularly inviting rock that was calling out to me, begging me to climb it. Since I am a gentleman and rarely turn down a polite offer, I decided to oblige its subtle offerings. About 10 seconds into my climb, I began to realize that the rock I was on was trying to kill me. Where there were once clearly visible hand- and foot-holds now proved to be smooth rock face. With no way to go up, and a long drop underneath me, I began to panic. I thought to myself, “I immediately regret this decision.” Long story short, I escaped with only minor injuries. I only walked with a limp for half a month. The fall back down to earth was less painful that I expected; since I am, after all, a man.

2. How tall are you?

6 foot 2 inches.

3. What does your "10:23" tattoo mean?

I am not allowed to disclose that information.

4. Where do you want to go first to take pictures with your Diana F+ when you finally get her?

Straight to the ocean.

5. Do you promise not to take Myspace style self portraits with your new lomo camera?

No.

6. How did we manage to become friends?

I’m really, really, really awesome. I opposites attract.

7. What is your favorite color?

Green. (Song of Solomon 1:16)

8. Would you rather die of thirst in the desert or from freezing to death?

I hear that freezing to death is actually a nice way to die, because towards the end, you just go completely numb and that sounds nice. However, I hate being cold, so I would rather die in the desert.

9. Zombies or vampires?

Vampires if I was Dracula from Van Helsing; he had some hot Vamp wives. Zombies for everything else.

10. Have you ever read Pride and Prejudice?

I had to read it for a college class. I read the first 98 pages and then used cliffnotes for the rest of the book. I got a B in that class.

11. Would you like to be famous one day? Explain why or why not.

Yes!! I’ve always wanted to be famous. I think that it’s because I want my name to live on after I die. I want people to remember me. I want to make an impression on people. I want to be a part of history. I think deep down inside, I want to be famous because I want everyone to like me.

12. Did you ever take AP classes in high school?

No way. What a waste of time.

13. Do you like thunderstorms?

Yes! In my old house in Sturgis, SoDak, we had a huge bay window in our living room. When there were thunderstorms, my family and I would go sit by the window and listen to the thunder and watch the lightning. It was a great time to be alive.

14. What do you want your next tattoo to be?

I want to get something on my shoulder. On the top of my shoulder. Maybe some lines or a design or a word or something. I’m not sure yet.

15. What is your ideal weekend?

Wake up early Saturday, breakfast at Obligatos, go skimboarding with Caleb, lunch at Family Mart, drive around and take pictures, watch an afternoon matinee, dinner at CoCo’s Curry, Karaoke with drinks and friends until the wee hours of the morning. Sunday morning rolls around and you will find me back in Colorado somehow. Don’t ask. Go to Sunday School and get free breakfast. Head over to the main service and praise God until I think I’m going to pass out. Lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings with Tim Brown. Afternoon hike up the Incline. Picture session in Manitou Springs at night followed by a cup of Herba Mate and intellectual conversation with my literary cohort, Seamus. The end.

16. What is your favorite genre of literature?

Comedy. Followed by anything Dan Brown has written, followed by any cover that catches my eye in the library. (That’s how I do most of my book shopping. If the cover is cool, I read the book)

17. What is your favorite dessert?

Pie. Pecan, Cheesecake, or Pumpkin.

18. What are your parents' names?

Mark and Janeen Wheeler.

19. Where do you see yourself five years from now?

Dead.

20. Where do you see yourself twenty years from now?

Risen from the dead, owning a scuba shop with my buddy Tim Brown, living in Okinawa, married with 5 little children running around my feet.